Have you ever felt like packing your shit up, hopping in your car and never looking back? I’m am at a complete loss right now. Heart is heavy, eyes flooded with tears and no one to lean on. No one genuine enough to walk me, hold me and talk me through this. I don’t know what it feel like to lose a parent. But I feel like I lost my mother. Thinking and seeing these words, have me in so much pain right. I’m trying my best to stop crying but it’s only making it worse. I stood by my mother, fought for my mother when she was too afraid to and she chooses to play blind to the pain her husband has caused our family. She still wants me to act like nothing happened. How do I do that when he’s still around? How do I do that when he never apologized? For years I was so unsure of myself. I had no confidence whatsoever. Now I can walk with certainty and not give a fuck about what or how the next person may feel. But I can’t kick this shit worth a damn. It isn’t normal to have the man that for years molested me still around. Because I want to be a voice for other sexually abused children by writing my story my mother is playing victim. She’s more concerned about how I feel about him and how I’m going to portray them rather than understanding my pain in relations to it. Goes to show you he still has a hold on her. I swear I can’t stop these tears.